Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
