oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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