so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
