Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
did i walk over a car last night?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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