K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
