How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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