I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He did a backflip because drugs
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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