Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
