Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
