Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
