Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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