People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
