I showed him my bush... on skype.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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