I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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