as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
