I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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