If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
