Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
