We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
