If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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