I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
