We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
