Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
