Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
