now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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