I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
