i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
