Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He passed out mid-signature
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
