How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
