Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
