She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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