I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
