Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
