Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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