she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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