Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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