I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
