If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
