Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
