Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
