did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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