Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
