I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
