omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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