I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
