you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
