Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
