Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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