my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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