can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
